Don’t think of your white couch as a pristine object you can’t be comfortable on. Think of it instead as a blank canvas.
We’ve had a white couch for a few years and in fact recently procured a new one. (Thank you Ikea.) To those of you in our lives who have expressed concern about this decision or silently said to yourself, “they are going to regret that,” I want to let you know that we couldn’t be happier with our plush seating. To those of you who are courageous enough to have also purchased a white couch (or are considering doing so), I offer the following decorative suggestions:
- Salsa: This plops very easily from the corner of a tortilla chip and smears beautifully with a paper towel.
- Red Wine: The way this sloshes over the lip of a wine glass is truly exquisite, especially if you watch the whole event as if it is happening in suspenseful slow motion. A dishtowel and a bit of water will transform this to a lovely mauve shade.
- Chicken Tikka Masala: Order this from your local Indian restaurant, bring it home then fill your favorite bowl with its fragrant goodness. Then allow a piece of delectable chicken to somehow explode almost geyser-style from your fork in a way that defies gravity and could never ever be repeated. The combination of yellow, orange and red exotic spices is indelible and becomes even more vibrant with the application of stain remover.
- Young Children: Invite several over to your house then provide them with lots of paint, crayons and magic markers. Laugh naively when their parents offer to write you a blank check for impending damages.
- Chocolate Chips: This one is a bit more complicated. Gobble chocolate chip cookies with a wild enthusiasm you learned from the Cookie Monster. This should result in several chocolate chips falling onto your lap. Get up, sit back down on top of them, and allow your body heat to melt them into the fibers of the couch for a rich, abstract mocha design.
- Moth: If it ever stops flitting around, press it into the cushion with the back of your hand in order to achieve an interesting charcoal-colored smudge. (Of course this is cruel, but wasn’t it also cruel when he snacked his way through four of your favorite sweaters?)
- New Blue Jeans: Buy the darkest kind, the ones that leave dye on your fingers the first few times you wear them. Sit down and shift around a little bit. The result will be a gorgeous sky-blue splotch in the shape of your rear end.
- Extra Slip Covers: This one is key. Decide against purchasing these when you get the couch and only decide to buy them after both the couch and the slipcovers have both been discontinued.*
*note: We did actually purchase extra slipcovers. In fact, we purchased so many extra ones in a paranoid flurry that they ended up costing more than the couch itself. The thing is that they are challenging to put on and involve taking a big portion of the couch apart. Good luck!