Lately, in honor of Home Improvement Month, I’ve been suggesting that you “hug your house,” as if this is an obvious and everyday practice. In case this has left any of you scratching your heads and wondering if I’ve inhaled too many paint fumes, let me try to explain.
Well, there’s actually no one way to hug your house, but here are some suggestions…
- Bend your knees. Widen your stance. Spread your arms so that they make an oval THIS BIG ( ). It’s kind of like hugging a tree, except there are more corners.
- If this doesn’t work, hire the services of Gumby, as he is extremely flexible and stretchy – he’ll know what to do.
- If he’s busy, invite everyone you know over for a “group hug.” In other words, ask them to form a circle around the perimeter of your house and grasp hands. Alternatively: Conga line!
- Undertake one home improvement project, of any size. This could be rearranging your pots-n-pans cupboard so that it’s no longer an avalanche-in-waiting or it could be knocking down that weight-bearing wall between your kitchen and your living room (Wait! Speaking of avalanches, you might want to reconsider…)
- Speak nicely about your house in its earshot. Enunciate clearly and project your voice so that it can be heard from the basement up to the rafters, as in: I LOVE THIS HOUSE. BUYING IT IS THE BEST DECISION WE EVER MADE. (On the flip side: don’t criticize it within hearing. Only do so when you are in the car, with the radio turned up, or when you are far far away, on vacation.) (Actually, the better bet is to never ever say anything negative about your house – you don’t want to jinx yourself.)
- Dress up like your house for Halloween. They say imitation is the best form of flattery. (Pay close attention to paint colors and trim. Perhaps get an old refrigerator box involved. If you have a big lawn, you can wear a skirt of astro-turf.)
- Use spray paint to tag it with hugs and kisses. As in: xxxooo!!!
These are just a few ideas. Let me know if you have any others. Go on, give it a hug, don’t be shy.