this homeowner’s guide will change your life

cover_homeowners guide to greatness

Top Ten Reasons to purchase The Homeowner’s Guide to Greatness on Amazon TODAY:

1. Kirkus Reviews calls it, “An amusing response to the woes of homeownership sure to be enjoyed by anyone who’s ever taken out a mortgage.”

2. Pig Pen from the Peanuts Gang gives it two thumbs up, especially the section entitled, “In Defense of Dirt and Dust.”

3. In this book’s pages, you will learn many valuable skills, such as how to become a better neighbor, an expert garbage picker, and a crazed mouse hunter.

4. Kermit the Frog says it will be a while before he’ll have time to read it (which is clearly a brush off), but he did release a statement saying that he approves of the book’s color scheme.

5. Maybe you’ve cried one too many tears about your failed home improvement attempts, your gigantic mortgage, and that crack that’s slowly making its way across your ceiling (by the way, did you ever figure out why its dripping maple syrup?) In other words, maybe it’s time to turn that frown upside down.

6. If everyone buys this ground breaking guide on the same day i.e. TODAY, the book has a remote, teensy-weensy chance of hitting the Amazon Bestseller List for four seconds – and this is an opportunity the author would very much like to seize. Carpe Amazon!

7. Who knows? YOU could be the person who catapults this book onto The Bestseller list! If you turn out to be that lucky person, you will be spontaneously showered with 17 tons of multicolored, celebratory confetti! Woo hoo! (Author will pay for any damages to property and/or individual.)

8. One word: Brownies. (Disclaimer: the author will not be able to personally bake brownies for each and every person who purchases a book today, but she certainly would if she could. Instead, she will bake herself a batch of brownies and eat them all in a wild frenzy of appreciation for her kind friends. For the record, she encourages you to do the same.)

9. If I said please, would that help, by any chance? Please?

10. (And most importantly…) Gnome-y needs a new hot tub. (That last one was either defective or it was enjoyed a little too much.)

THANK YOU!

Click here to buy the book on a little site called Amazon:

THE HOMEOWNER’S GUIDE TO GREATNESS on AMAZON

By the way, if you were to “like” this on facebook, I would like you even more than I already do. Click here:

like on facebook

And finally, if there are any bloggers out there who would like to score an interview with the author, write a review, or host a giveaway, the author will take any such offers into very very serious consideration. Contact me through the “About” page.

On your mark, get set…enjoy!

Gnome_gnows

Hot off the presses: Thank you to the fabulous Josie Rubio for including this book in her housewarming gift round-up in today’s VIV Mag!

11 replies

  1. Awesome!!! First off, this is a hilarious post – I literally laughed out loud 3 times while reading it. Secondly…wait, forget that…I need to go buy the book…

    • That was really rude of me to mention those wasn’t it – how dare I? Poor blogging etiquette indeed. Trust me, if I could squeeze one of these -chomp chomp- through the interwebs I assure you I would do so! (Actually, don’t be too jealous, I’m sipping a much healthier smoothie…) Cheers! πŸ™‚

    • Ha ha! Yes: perfectly valid to judge a book by its cover in my opinion! I admit that I buy wine based on the label and cheer for teams based on their color schemes, so…hey!

      Thanks Suzanne! πŸ™‚

  2. I GOT MINE! Woo Hoo! Looking forward to “hammering” my way through.
    (don’t hate me — I got the Kindle version!) Which means I can start NOW! So go ahead Jocelyn… eat another brownie for me!
    Congrats again… hope you had a great Amazon day.
    -Stacey

    • Yay! Thanks so much Stacey. I think it’s awesome you got it on the Kindle – I have it on my nook! πŸ™‚ I will now commence more brownie gobbling.

      In fact, it was an AMAZING Amazon day – Bestseller indeed! I can’t believe it – what a fun day. πŸ™‚

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