You’d never guess that I went ten whole years without watching television – on principal, isn’t that just precious? – because ever since our son was born three months ago, I watch TV pretty much all the time. Hey, I’ve never been home this much. I won’t go into the embarrassing details of my recent watching habits (damn you, E!), but what I have on most is the Food Network. It’s just background. It’s visual interest while I’m doing other things. It helps me imagine all the cooking and entertaining I don’t have the time or energy for these days. And it’s company – I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that, on some deluded level, I believe I’m buddies with all the hosts.
(Okay, I confess, have been battling this particular demon for a while now. In case you’re wondering, this is how you know You’re Watching Way Too Much Food Network. It’s a handy way to self-diagnose.)
Anyway, I try to not have Ian facing the boobtube (just the boob!), but I have to wonder what long-term influence the sound and atmosphere of all these cooking shows will have on his psyche. I wonder, for example, if he will:
- Be inspired to become a world-renowned chef? (You know I’m resisting urge to google “baby chef hat.”)
- Learn the skills to become a successful restauranteur?
- Speak with Paula Dean’s southern drawl despite living in NY?
- Become the only toddler who knows the backwards fact that “pork butt” actually comes from the pig’s shoulder?
- Get in the pesky habit of speaking in acronyms, i.e E.V.O.O.? (I think this might already be happening – he’s suddenly making all kinds of sounds – if only we knew what they are short for…)
- Develop an incorrigible cupcake addiction? (I can think of of worse things.)
- I think the most likely result is that he will simply have a life-long penchant for diners. Or drive-ins. Or dives.
At some point, I suppose we’ll have to come up with a television policy – a number of hours per week, appropriate programming, etc. For now however, (reaching for remote control) let’s see what’s cookin’…