1. Boiling water: it is imperative that boiling water does not get on, in, or anywhere near your Very Awake Infant (V.A.I.).
2. It goes without saying that you are attempting to make these tasty, bite-sized hors d’oeuvres to take to a party (surely nobody makes deviled eggs to eat whilst lounging on the couch?): It therefore also goes without saying that you are running late, in a rush, and fending off a fair amount of anxiety. After all, you haven’t exactly been a regular on the party circuit since V.A.I. hit town and you haven’t even begun to think about what you might
fit into wear.
3. The result of #2 is shaky hands and an overwhelming desire to cut corners.
4. The consequence of #3 is a woefully clumsy session of peeling eggs that are still too hot, a situation that will in turn lead to:
a) Burned fingers.
b) Bloody hands (as egg shell shards very quickly begin to resemble broken glass.)
c) Eggs as pocked and pitted as golf balls. (A far cry from the desired effect.)
5. While you are fighting the long yet frantic Battle of the Egg Shells, V.I.A. will be making a persistent and escalating eh-eh-eh sound nearby, which translates loosely to, “Please entertain me with a tap dance including complicated choreography and also perhaps a bit of melodic verse.” Since you obviously don’t have time to track down your old tap shoes, you hope that all the toys you have balanced precariously above his head will prove to be sufficiently amusing. They will not.
6. If you use a food processor to combine ingredients instead of mashing them together with a fork and a little elbow grease (see “cutting corners,” above), you will save time on the front end but lose it again later that night when the apparatus needs to be cleaned. (Note that V.A.I. will still be eh-eh-eh-ing at that time.) (Note also that a food processor does make the eggy filling pleasingly smooth…)
7. And finally, the main reason you should never attempt to make deviled eggs while tending to a very awake infant, is that you probably haven’t had time to eat a proper meal today (okay, maybe for a few days) and you will therefore desperately want to treat yourself to a sample. This is impossible if you want to arrive at the party with a full dozen, or 24 halves, the pre-prescribed number of egg divots in the niche platter you got for a song at a Crate and Barrel outlet a while back.
Take heart: while you may be a little worse for the wear, your eggs can still turn out delicious. As a matter of fact, isn’t that one of the earliest new parent-lessons? Difficult but good. Very good.
FYI – I used this very standard recipe; the one that came up first when I searched the internets. My only addition was dill, both in the mix and as a garnish. Have you ever made deviled eggs? Anyone else find it difficult to cook with a kid? (I know, rumor has it that it’s only going to get more challenging once he is actually mobile!)