7 ways these Olympics might hurt you

olympic-rings1. Painful fits of Jealousy, specifically of the: Athletic prowess, 2. Hot, young, strong bodies, 3. Gold medals (or, really, medals of any color), 4. Corporate endorsement

2. Bed Sores (or, more specifically, couch sores): Some get injured in an instant when they tumble end over end with their feet strapped into a snowboard.Ā  Other injuries come on more slowly and are incurred from sitting for long stretches with your feet propped up on an ottoman.

3. Emotional Anguish brought on by Sentimental Advertisements: Especially those featuring real athletes with actual photos or even video footage of them as adorable children.

4. Empathetic Performance Anxiety: Viewing stress, which is already high, can hit unhealthy limits when the commentators reference concepts such as, “redemption,” “expectation,” “weight of the whole country on his/her shoulders,” and “this is his/her last performance/race before retiring.”

5. Multifaceted Confusion including but limited to: 1. The rules 2. The techniques required to master these unnatural feats 3. Improbability of survival through almost any of these events.

6. Extreme Fatigue: Staying up so late for two weeks straight while trying to hold down a job can make you feel exhausted as a cross country skier after crossing the finish line.

the-brutality-of-cross-country-skiing-in-one-surreal-photoimage source

7. Vision Impairment, not to mention Compromised Appearance : Staring at the television screen this long can make vision blurry and cause Olympic size rings to develop under your eyes.

To read the article I wrote for Slate Magazine four years ago about actually training for the Olympics (sort of) and falling short, click here.

Truth be told, though I do consider it an endurance event, I love watching the Olympics. Have the they harmed (or helped?) you in any way? Happy Viewing!

Categories: Shelter

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8 replies

  1. I’m feeling the emotional anguish and fatigue. Is it bad to be excited for the Olympics to be over so I can go back to watching my crappy shows? Love the post and love your article!

  2. Due to my marathon sessions of Olympic watching ,my children and house cleaning have been neglected.The dog needs to wait longer for his walk,everything has just been put on the back burner.My family will cheer when the Olympics are over. just kidding! We are all enjoying the games but I did suffer big emotional distress over the Men’s free skating,omg such drama.And I felt bad for Shaun White in the snowboarding,such a bummer.

    • Yes, before Shaun White’s last run, I was pacing, the heart rate was up, had had to breathe into a paper bag (kidding only on the last one) – for some reason that one got me – such PRESSURE! Yup, the laundry has piled up and so has the mail…but, like I said to the hubs when he hinted at watching something else… IT’S ONLY ONCE EVERY FOUR YEARS!! šŸ™‚

  3. 8. Weight gain attributed to all the snack foods you eat from the back of your pantry while watching WAY more hours of TV than usual, sitting on the edge of your seat and exercising (vicariously) through the athletes.

    • Yup, haven’t really addressed this in this venue, but I coach skating for a living and I wrote a skating blog for a few years…I do love what I do but this blog gives me a little break from the rink šŸ™‚

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