1. The first rule of cauliflower pizza crust is: don’t expect real pizza crust. It is only by lowering expectations that we can be pleasantly surprised.

2. If you’re feeling intimidated by this strange and mysterious process, say to yourself, “Look, it’s not brain surgery.” Of course, after you cleave that cauliflower into two pieces you will not be able to ignore the sensation that you are performing a lobotomy. Each “crust” (note quotes)  takes about half of a head.

3. Stretch. Grating this much cauliflower into a “flour-like” substance (note quotes) is sure to dislocate your shoulder if you don’t start with a few warm-up exercises.

4. Accept that all those leftover crumbles too big for the “dough” (note quotes) will go into your refrigerator with all the best intentions, and will need to be extracted from the crisper several months later while wearing a hazmat suit. Because: of course nobody ever chooses to eat cauliflower unless it is significantly transformed to taste like something else.

5. Never underestimate the power of parchment paper. Do not skip this step.

6. I don’t care how many calories you intend to cut, you must respect the trifecta of cheese: fresh mozzarella, grated mozzarella, and way way way too much parmesan.

7. Bring a fork to this party: picking up this “pizza” (note quotes) with your hands is tricky business, especially after you heap on the toppings.

8. Prepare to be thinner, smarter, sexier, and, most importantly…..gluten-free! Is there anything more important than gluten-free these days?

9. When you serve cauliflower pizza to your friends and family, use lots of air quotes.

10. As delicious as this is, and as much as you may convince yourself, your child will not, under any circumstances, eat even a bite of this trickery. Oh, nooooo nooooo nooooo, absolutely no fooling budding pizza aficionados (note NO quotes).

Why eat that weird pizza when you can instead do THIS?

Here is the recipe I used: click here.

Here is the recipe I used for home-made sauce: click here.

All the above rules aside…if you are trying to cut back on carbs, I do seriously recommend!

Have you tried it yet?

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