10 rules of cauliflower “pizza crust”

cauliflower pizza

1. The first rule of cauliflower pizza crust is: don’t expect real pizza crust. It is only by lowering expectations that we can be pleasantly surprised.

2. If you’re feeling intimidated by this strange and mysterious process, say to yourself, “Look, it’s not brain surgery.” Of course, after you cleave that cauliflower into two pieces you will not be able to ignore the sensation that you are performing a lobotomy. Each “crust” (note quotes)  takes about half of a head.

cauliflower halves3. Stretch. Grating this much cauliflower into a “flour-like” substance (note quotes) is sure to dislocate your shoulder if you don’t start with a few warm-up exercises.

grated cauliflower4. Accept that all those leftover crumbles too big for the “dough” (note quotes) will go into your refrigerator with all the best intentions, and will need to be extracted from the crisper several months later while wearing a hazmat suit. Because: of course nobody ever chooses to eat cauliflower unless it is significantly transformed to taste like something else.

5. Never underestimate the power of parchment paper. Do not skip this step.

parchment6. I don’t care how many calories you intend to cut, you must respect the trifecta of cheese: fresh mozzarella, grated mozzarella, and way way way too much parmesan.

7. Bring a fork to this party: picking up this “pizza” (note quotes) with your hands is tricky business, especially after you heap on the toppings.

8. Prepare to be thinner, smarter, sexier, and, most importantly…..gluten-free! Is there anything more important than gluten-free these days?

cauliflower pizza crust 29. When you serve cauliflower pizza to your friends and family, use lots of air quotes.

10. As delicious as this is, and as much as you may convince yourself, your child will not, under any circumstances, eat even a bite of this trickery. Oh, nooooo nooooo nooooo, absolutely no fooling budding pizza aficionados (note NO quotes).

raspberries on fingersWhy eat that weird pizza when you can instead do THIS?

Here is the recipe I used: click here.

Here is the recipe I used for home-made sauce: click here.

All the above rules aside…if you are trying to cut back on carbs, I do seriously recommend!

Have you tried it yet?

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For more home tome but with fewer words and smothered in cheese, follow me on twitter here.

Categories: Cookin'

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11 replies

  1. I recently had some mashed cauliflower that was intended to be a substitute for mashed potatoes and it was surprisingly tasty.

  2. Ha! this was so funny!! I have seen many recipes on Pinterest for Cauliflower Pizza Crust but have not tried it yet! Your “Crust” came out looking delicious. I was on a Gluten-Free kick last Spring.I made a “bread” of sorts with garbanzo bean flour.It was edible. Love that pic of Ian at the end,he is soooo cute

    • Thanks DVJ! I have to say that all the cheese in the crust and the pizza toppings mask the cauliflower flavor…I like cauliflower, but I don’t nec think of it as a pizza pairing 🙂 Definitely try it! A little involved but this was my second go-round so I am getting the hang of it…

  3. I love cauliflower pizza crust (I posted a recipe a few months ago.) you made some great points. I use my food processor to blend the crap out of it, call me lazy, it’s cool. I also agree, the term “crust” should be used lightly. But man, it’s pretty delicious!! Great list!!

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