What follows is a recipe for cucumber water. If used correctly I believe it could be turned into a philosophy, a political movement, or a cure for…Everything.
- Go over to your friend Sara’s house for a series of play dates, birthday parties, and other occasions where she is serving special water in a special pitcher with special green discs floating cheerfully on the surface.
- Guzzle several glasses each time you visit, in a state of extreme ecstasy. Wave people off when they try to start a friendly conversion with you. Because you are concentrating. On your taste buds.
- Pull her aside and ask in an I’m-sure-this-is-top-secret voice if she will share this intriguing recipe, knowing full-well that you have become extremely lazy in the kitchen and that you will never actually do this, or anything else in the cooking room ever again. Thank her profusely when she nonchalantly provides the requested info.
- Succumb to a craving so powerful one summer evening, that you drive to the store for the ingredients. Or, ingredient.
- Purchase one cucumber. Do not accidentally purchase a zucchini instead. Or a bag of Oreos. Neither of these will work for this recipe.
- When you get back home, find a knife and cutting board. Put on a pair of gardening gloves or work gloves to protect your fingers and hands…for, you are out of practice with chopping and skin doesn’t provide much of a barrier between blade and blood. Slice carefully, despite mounting excitement.
- As you inhale the refreshing scent of the cucumber, otherwise known as the The Scent of Refreshment, otherwise known as The Scent of Summer, do not be alarmed if your salivary glands gush then overflow.
- Place green discs inside the pitcher you received for your wedding and have only used one other time: i.e. that time you attempted to make lemonade out of lemons, an endeavor that was only half successful. Story of your life.
- Add water. This can be from your tap or from your water filter. ***This part gets confusing: do not add wine or beer or a combination of wine and beer. Trust me, it is critical that you add the correct liquid here.
- Pour into a glass. Throw in some ice. Sit on your front porch to watch the cars go by and watch all your worries float far, far away.
- Do not be offended when your 2 year old son flatly rejects this, your only culinary triumph in several months. Feel somewhat vindicated when, in turn, he asks for it on several subsequent evenings after it is long gone…
Happy End-o-Summer everyone! I trust you are celebrating appropriately…i.e. with the ones you love and also with some delicious Cucumber Water. Cheers! Check out my friend Sara’s awesome blog, Shmooples, where she documents the life and times of her two adorable daughters.