Author Archives

the home tome

Home-n-humor from Nyack, NY. Owning a home is terrifying and exhilarating: best to laugh to keep from crying.

Go 3G: Glamour Gardening Gloves

I was wondering: Why-o-why do all my flowers die? Why do all the weeds I pull grow right back? And what about those bulbs I planted – nothing ever appeared! Alas, I have finally figured out that it’s because…I didn’t have these: Glamour Gardening Gloves! (a.k.a. the other 3G) These […]

on the subject of eggs…

We’ve got eggs on the brain here at the home tome. And not just because my own eggs are rapidly aging, declining, disappearing and/or shriveling up into tiny little Yodas. Feel the force around you… Anyway! We also have eggs on the brain because of Easter and this funky grey […]

how to make a weed bouquet

The arrival of spring means that a lot of beautiful things are about to bloom. It also means that some not-so-beautiful things are about to arrive as well… I’m talking about every lawn’s enemy: weeds. We have have a cringe-worthy abundance of these, but I’ve figured out how to make […]

what I learned in Ireland

The summer after I graduated from college, I went to Ireland with two girlfriends. We rented a flat in Galway for three months and, from there, traveled all around. It was an excellent and hilarious trip, mostly because because Cara and Marisa were a lot of fun. Whenever St. Paddy’s […]

questions asked this weekend

To the lone crocus that just poked up through the rock path by the side of our house: Are you a bit early for the party? Will your friends be meeting you here? Regarding The Hunger Games, which I discovered to be an addictive page-turner: Is the fact that so […]

salt and pepper party

Please join me in celebrating salt, pepper, and the shakers that contain them. Who is invited: Six lucky guests who also appreciate these tasty condiments and sprinkle them excessively onto foods that probably don’t need them (of course, you’ll never know whether these foods need more flavoring or not, since […]

mega monstera leaf

Dear Guinness Book of World Records, I am writing to tell you about our Monstera Leaf a.k.a. Monstera deliciosa. We keep these around the house for decorative purposes – I like how they bring in a tropical vibe. And I appreciate how they have a long life expectancy – they […]

memo to the fitted sheet

To: Fitted Sheet From: Jocelyn Okay, I think you know why I am writing: Because you continue to be difficult, unreasonable, and completely uncooperative. Contrary to your previous claims that I have quote “anger issues,” I have asked nicely on several occasions for you to be more of a team […]

seeing red

If I turn my face toward the sun and close my eyes, I see red. When I go back to my native Wisconsin, I see lots of barns that are red. If I get a paper cut while sorting the mail, the liquid that oozes out of my finger is, […]

9W Market in Palisades

I recently wrote about one of my favorite roads in this area, the Palisades Parkway, and did not mention one of my favorite parts of it: the 9W Market, right off exit 4, in Palisades, NY. This was on purpose because I knew I wanted to do a whole post […]

mock moss, etc.

I don’t know what compelled me to buy these “moss” pebbles at the dollar store. It might have had something to do with the fact that they cost…a dollar. And I seem to have some sort of fixation with artificial things lately (i.e. fake flowers, fake comments…) I like moss. […]