Basically, I was ready for anything. That’s not true: I wasn’t ready to get all emotional and for my eyes to fill with tears while we were in that room. That’s not entirely true either: I should have known I’d spring a face leak because this happens fairly often these days.
Do you have children? Are you extremely tired, in fact, so tired that your pillow and your lack of energy are all you can think about? If so, you might have a serious condition called Extremely Tired Parent Syndrome (ETPS).
Dear Breast Pump,
I am writing to let you know that I hate you with every “ounce” of my being. Not that you deserve any explanations, but I have some things to get of my chest… and fortunately for me, that’s no longer breast milk.
Here’s how five brilliant, funny writers manage to write with toddlers (or toddlers plus).
When I was in college, I dreamed I would one day have a newspaper column. And then, POOF!* It happened! *POOF in this case does not indicate a magical or instantaneous occurrence.
For those of you who are road trippin’ this summer, I have a traffic report: It’s bad out there. Real bad. Everywhere. If you get behind the wheel, chances are […]
The interloper was lodged sideways under the surface of our toddler’s palm and it looked pretty cozy in there, with no intention of budging. We had our tweezers ready, but […]
I’m finding, lately, that parenting is a bit like performing in a slapstick comedy or maybe a vaudeville routine: if you’re anything like me, you’ll go to some strange lengths […]
I wrote an essay about my most disgusting (and heart-wrenching) experience as a parent so far and it’s up on Great Moments in Parenting today… Click here to read: Puke: […]
After I lose this baby weight, I’m hoping to also take off: the pre-baby weight the trying to get pregnant emotional roller coaster weight the I’m just going to get […]
Sippy cups. Milk bottles. Tiny spoons. Funky bowls and plates meant to make mealtime more fun. Last night’s nasty pan still reeking of salmon. Ad infinitum. Motherhood has changed many things in my life for the better but I can’t say I’m a fan of all this new sink time. […]
Wait, summer! Summer! Come back! Instead of lamenting all the things we didn’t do this summer (for example, we didn’t picnic, we didn’t barbeque even once though the grill’s replacement parts arrived long ago, we didn’t shed those extremely stubborn 7.2 lbs despite the semi-consistent-mid-day-melt-your-skin-sun-runs in the park <note overly-inclusive […]
First of all, thank you so much for not saying anything about my hair. Because we all know I’d prefer that it looked much much better than this. Any face to face discussion on the topic would be awkward and cause me to touch my head self-consciously, thereby making it […]
Ian, one day old /new What’s miraculous, crazy and painful ALL OVER? Childbirth. And it seems to me that every birth story has a good dose of surprise to maximize the mayhem. I recount a few of my biggest surprises during Ian’s birth over at Mommy Training Wheels, today. Check […]
I don’t know how you’re feeling about your intelligence these days, but mine is definitely in question. I’m tempted to build myself up here by listing all of my academic accolades…I realize, however, that these are ancient and utterly useless when it comes to the kind of knowledge I am […]
image source (fyi, I did not get paid for or compensated in any way for the following post.) Before becoming a parent, I’d heard of water beds, but not water tables. Turns out this is a completely unnecessary yet wonderful “invention” for those of us with toddlers who don’t have […]
Announcement: the home tome headquarters have recently gone through a significant reorganization. This includes changes in both staffing and office space. First, we have a new CEO. He has been a strong candidate for this position for approximately 18 months and we he recently decided he is ready for the […]
This is the scrapbook I bought more than a year ago when our son was still napping twice a day and pretty much immobile. (He is now 17 months old, napping once a day, and aspiring to move at the speed of light.) This book represents my high hopes for […]