spam: not just canned ham

Home Tome SpamOne of the great things about blogging is getting clever, pithy, informative, and generally supportive comments from kind readers.

On the other hand, one of the weird things about blogging is getting spam, in other words, fake comments generated by…well, I don’t know exactly who generates spam – I think its mostly coming from computer programs, advertisers who are trying to sneak a plug for their product onto your site, or maybe it just comes from evil hackers? The return e-mail addresses are usually nonsensical jumbles of letters and numbers, often from mysterious pharmaceutical-ish addresses.

Spam is kind of like junk mail but far funnier. The grammar and syntax is a hoot and the sentiments are Random with a capital R. Fortunately, WordPress does a good job of catching these comments and putting them in a separate folder from your real comments, where you can delete them in one fell swoop. But not before reading them – they are too entertaining to completely ignore. Here is a sampling of some spam comments I have in that folder right now…

This was a comment on the piece I did about the recent Eames documentary. I guess they were latching onto the word “furnishings”:

Rather! This was a very amazing article. Thanks to your furnished data.

This was for the piece about Christmas and was from some sort of auto “website.” (FYI, there was nothing about cars, autos, or roads in this piece.):

I wish for you to know something through the outset of the statement which some thing are these claims: We worry about your needs i seriously mean that.

Aww, it’s comforting to know that they are so genuinely worried about me.

The next one came from some sort of outdoor television company, also for the Eames piece. It’s nice to know that they have my back. (I just don’t think I’ll be contacting them for copy editing purposes any time soon.):

It’s appropriate time to make some plans for the long run and it is time to be happy. I’ve read this put up and if I may I want to counsel you some fascinating things or advice. Maybe you could write next articles referring to this article. I want to learn more things approximately it!

This was a spam response for the recent piece on carrot soup. Despite my claims that this was an easy recipe, I guess it was in fact a pretty complicated concept, at least according to “24ledpl“:

You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be actually something which I think I would never understand. It seems too complex and very broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!

I don’t know what to make of the fact that I got the following comment from a place that purports to help people stop snoring – I hope my posts don’t put people to sleep!

Its such as you read my mind! You appear to grasp a lot approximately this, such as you wrote the e-book in it or something. I believe that you simply could do with a few % to force the message house a bit, but other than that, this is wonderful blog. A fantastic read. I will certainly be back.

Though I do know that their flattery is 100% bogus, I’ll take it. Here’s what I have to say to their constructive criticism that I should use more percentages: look, I just did, in the previous sentence!

Finally, this was for the piece about my Grandma’s scottish shortbread and is my favorite spam comment to date:

i think im pregnant

Ha! A little TMI since we’ve never met, “johnny8466″, but I guess I should offer my congratulations?

What’s the funniest spam or junk mail you’ve ever received? Who generates this stuff? And do you think I’m suddenly going to get more spam just for posting this? We’ll see…

Categories: Style

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8 replies

  1. I would guess admitting to your spam also tells the world your top ten google sites…duh, like the world doesn’t know already? “Big man watching, always”. Brilliant you are, my friend. Nice piece:-)

    THE MEAT

    The color of Spam
    Is natural as the sky:
    A block of sunrise

    Pink tender morsel
    Glistening with salty gel
    What the hell is it?

    Old man seeks doctor
    “I eat Spam daily,” he says
    Angioplasty

    Pink beefy temptress
    I can no longer remain
    Vegetarian

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