Dear Guinness Book of World Records,
I am writing to tell you about our Monstera Leaf a.k.a. Monstera deliciosa. We keep these around the house for decorative purposes – I like how they bring in a tropical vibe. And I appreciate how they have a long life expectancy – they usually last 2-3 weeks, much longer than fresh flowers. But this one has been holding steady on our hearth for over four months, without showing any signs of browning, yellowing, or shriveling, as has been the fate of his forebearers.
In case this longevity isn’t impressive enough to qualify him for inclusion in your venerable pages, here’s what else:
He cleaned the fireplace! (Thank you, I had no intention of even attempting that.)
He danced with a nearby candle! (I think they should call that dance “The Flicker”.)
He was extremely hospitable to a local cobweb! (So stoic, and selfless.)
He snubbed a spider! (At my request – we try to not encourage them.)
He winked at a vase of roses across the room! (Such a flirt.)
He made these two homeowners marvel on a daily basis. (“I can’t believe that leaf is still going strong.” “Can you believe that leaf is still alive?” “Wow, that leaf is not joking around.” “I think I’m going to contact The Guinness Book of World Records.”) (Hey, we don’t have a dog to observe and brag about ad nauseam.)
Surely you now agree that he is as amazing as we think he is. If you would like him to come to your headquarters for a photo shoot and meet-and-greet I have no doubt he’d be up for the trip.
Jocelyn, The Home Tome
What are you going to submit to the Guinness Book?