Of course, I am not a professional poet, or even an amateur one, but desperate times require desperate measures. We are a little more than a month into the Terrific Two’s. (If I am resistant to the more standard nomenclature i.e. Terrible Two’s, it is simply because I am determined to focus on the positive sides of this unique yet universal experience called Parenting.)
Still, there have been some trying times lately involving car seat resistance, mealtime mayhem, etc. I am not an explosive person, I try to keep the drama to a minimum and yet I share most parent’s desire to have a well-behaved child. And I have every reason to believe that I presented challenges to own my parents. (Let’s just say that bedtime was not my strong suit: I know this, I own it, and I recognize all the stalling techniques as if I invented them myself.)
This is just the long way of introducing my current survival mechanism. When the going gets tough, some go shopping, and others, like me, escape to The Land of Rhyme. I highly recommend. The following is meant to be recited silently in your head when you’ve already made your point, you’ve repeated it with great seriousness, and your child is still doing the exact opposite of what has been requested.
I know that this,
Is just a phase.
I know this shall pass,
Though it will be crazed.
Please just give me strength,
And a donut with extra glaze.
Or a fully stocked cabinet of cookies,
Through which I can graze.
Or how about a glass of red,
And a well-padded chaise?
So that I may simmer quietly,
Instead of going up in a blaze.
Child, before you hit town,
Life was a series of carefree days.
Now each hour is a behavior minefield,
And an emotional maze.
I know that sitting in a car seat,
Causes you extreme malaise.
And if your moose t-shirt is in the laundry,
I should expect extreme delays.
But please, as discussed, food is supposed to stay,
ON high chair trays.
I have showered you with positivity,
And so much praise.
I have admonished, requested,
Even bribed you to change your ways.
And of course my love for you,
Could fill a thousand essays.
Right now, though, I have no more tricks, my patience has waned,
So all I can do is repeat this phrase:
I know I know I know,
This is just a phase.
Any advice for getting through the Terrific Two’s, Three’s or even Tweens and Teens? Please leave a comment below!
For more home tome with fewer words and, I promise, even fewer attempts at rhyme, follow me on twitter here.
Categories: Parenting Humor